Fear

fear

The Lord said to him, “Who gave human beings their mouths? Who makes them deaf or mute? Who gives them sight or makes them blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say.” – Exodus 4 vs 11-12

I’ve been going back on this verse from time to time because I feel like Holy Idea Tees and myself are here for something more. I mentioned previously my desire to print my own tees but I’m hit from all directions with fear of the unknown. I have a tendency to do this, it’s nothing new. Almost a decade ago I had to overcome my fear of being a bad dad. It was horrible. I was so wrought with pain at not knowing what was going on or what to do with my emotions (and a tiny baby) that I was rendered almost motionless. I desired to be a father but once it happened I wondered why I had wanted it. The responsibility was overwhelming and the guilt of second-guessing myself was crippling. Fortunately, with some professional help and self reflection, I came to understand myself better. Learning how to process my thoughts and fears became vital to my success as a father at that point. As she nears the age of ten, I look back and say, “Man, I wish I had the tools I have now back then.” If I did, I could’ve enjoyed more moments instead of being wound up so tight you couldn’t stick a greased BB up my butt.

IMG_6599

Pictured: Ball of stress

Holy Idea Tees is three years old, the same age my daughter was when my stress and fear hit its peak. What I’ve come to find out lately is success in business and success in fatherhood have many similarities: both keep me up at night, both keep me second-guessing and both motivate me to keep going. Much like my daughter has become an extension of myself, so has my business. However, while my time is running out on helping form her into a strong, well-grounded woman who will be able to tackle life with confidence, the TIME IS NOW to start giving my business what it needs to make it through its grade school years.

However, unlike a child, I cannot physically comfort, love and tell my business everything is going to be okay. How do I give it what it needs to succeed? It’s simple really. It’s all up to me. I just have to stop being afraid.

That’s easier said than done.

If there’s a poster model for fear of the unknown, it’s me. I fear failing. I fear succeeding. I fear not being in control. I am so good at fearing things that if there is LITERALLY NOTHING to fear, I can create it from out of nowhere.

My fear can be found in the same cracked foundation my confidence is built upon. I’ve always had fear no matter how safe or how good I was. I seem to have always been great at talking myself out of things because I am my own worst enemy. I’ve never felt worthy and always felt guilty. It’s a terrible place to dwell in. I wouldn’t recommend it.

But why? What is it that makes me this way? I don’t think I could ever explain it. I don’t know that I even fully understand. However, what I do know, is that fear is bullshit. Whether its a fear of failure or a fear of success (because I have both) the base of both is FEAR and FEAR is simply an emotion that causes me to believe these things will cause me pain.

Is it possible for me to use the same tools I gained when learning how to navigate fatherhood? Yes, I believe it is. If history has taught me anything, I want to be on the precipice of Holy Idea Tees‘ 10 year anniversary and look back saying to myself, “What was I so worried about?”




 

And now, some quotes on fear that really speak to me:

The enemy is fear. We think it is hate; but, it is fear.
Gandhi

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.
Eleanor Roosevelt

Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.
Dale Carnegie

 

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