Questions Barbara Walters Might Ask Me

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Barbara Walters: Good evening. I’ve interviewed a lot of people in my lifetime but no one has ever made me shiver in my pantaloons as much as “Chris” of the nostalgic website and eBay store “Holy Idea Tees”. Chris, how are you doing today?

Chris: I’m good Barbara. Thanks for having me. 

BW: First things first, would you please take that ridiculous pizza hat off of your head?

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C: Oops, sorry. I work from home and am used to wearing this all day.

BW: That brings me to my first question: Why did you decide to leave Corporate America to work from home and pursue a dream of fame and fortune through the vintage T-shirt medium?

C: Well, it’s simple really. I hated working for “The Man”.  He (The Man) always had HIS best interests in mind. They were really stupid, boring ideas. Mine were better and more exciting. I got tired of doing things that only squelched my creativity. So… I quit. Now I get to do what I want while wearing a pizza hat all day. 

BW: You bring up your creativity, what are some of the things you do to feed that animal?

C: Not enough things honestly. I’ve spent the better part of two years building my store so I’d have a foundation to build upon. It isn’t until just now with over 1,800 vintage tees in my store that I feel like I have something to market. I would have been hitting the marketing/advertising side a lot more often but when you’re just one person trying to build something you have to prioritize. With that being said, you can expect a lot more activity from me on Instagram, Facebook and on my blog in the next month as I really try to build those avenues. I’m also toying with the idea of a YouTube channel.

BW: I see. So, you’ve had no one helping you? You’ve been doing this all on your own?

C: Well, that’s not entirely true. I have my business partner who also happens to be my beautiful wife who I go to for business advice and second opinions. She also handles all the shipping if and when I have to go out of town. She moonlights as a vintage T-shirt torso model as well so I get to take pictures of her in the vintage tees for the website from time to time.

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BW: Do you enjoy taking pictures of her torso?

C: Yes. Yes I do.

BW: Do you think that perhaps you enjoy it a little too much?

C: What do you mean?

BW: You know what I mean.

C: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I get you. Yes, I suppose I do. She has a very nice torso. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

BW: HAHAHAHA!

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C: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

BW: HAHAHAHAHAHA *BEEEEEEEELLLLLLLCCCCH*…………..

C: ……………….

BW: Oops, sorry about that. I had a giant pastrami sandwich for lunch. It was delicious. It gave me a little indigestion. It was about this big.

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C: I’ve never had pastrami before. 

BW: It’s fantastic stuff. You should try it.

C: What the hell are we talking about? 

BW: I belched and everything got derailed after that. Let’s get back on track. So, your wife helps you, is there anyone else?

C: I have an assistant named Barb. She a nudist doll who identifies (in any number of unique ways) flaws that may be present on the tees in my eBay listings. She gets looked over quite a bit but she’s a very pivotal part of the team here at Holy Idea Tees.

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Barb pointing out a flaw

BW: I see. That’s very, uh… creative.

C: It’s an untraditional way to stick out in someones mind. No one else uses a tiny nudist doll to point out issues. 

BW: You’re right, I can’t say I’ve seen that before.

C: I also use more traditional methods to “stick” out. 

BW: What are you doing?

C: I’m putting all these high quality, weather resistant, die cut Holy Idea Tees stickers on my face.

BW: Aren’t those going to hurt when you pull them off?

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C: Well… I didn’t quite think that though.

BW: Do you need some help getting those off?

C: No. That’s okay they should come off fairly easilaaaaAAAAAAHHHHHAHHHHHHH….

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C: …….HHHHHHHHHAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

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BW: Wow. Those are some pretty high quality stickers. Where’d you get those?

C: From this place online called StickerApp. All you have to do is upload your image and within a couple days they’ll have as many stickers as you want delivered to your house. I put a Holy Idea Tees sticker with every vintage tee that’s purchased from my eBay store. My goal is to have a sticker on every car in the U.S. by next year. I’m about one trillionth of the way there.

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BW: What’s the name of that place again?

C: StickerApp. It’s like the word “Sticker” with “App” right behind it. StickerApp. Just don’t stick their stickers on your face. I think I’m going to have to go soak mine in some ice water.

BW: Okay, I appreciate you taking the time to let me ask you hard hitting questions. Sorry for belching pastrami leftovers in your face. Before you go to soak your face, let’s take a photo together.

C: Thanks Barbara, it’s been a pleasure.

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Totally unedited photo of Barbara Walters and me


Did  you know I was also interviewed by Diane Sawyer? You can read that interview by clicking here.

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Bad Grammer

Have you ever misspelled the word “Grammar”?

Whoops!! I just did!! Up there!! In the title of this freakin’ post about grammar!! DAMMIT!!!

People get really upset about bad grammar, but people also get really upset about what we who don’t really spell real good or talk all professional and whatnot call “The Grammar Police”.

They've been around for years...

They’ve been around for years…

I don’t know that I could’ve ever been convicted of being a Grammar Sheriff but I do know people who could be. Is that a bad thing? No… just so as long as the misspelling party is willing to accept the fact that they made a mistake. Don’t tell someone who probably doesn’t care that they spelled “misspell” with only one “s” if they is not interested because they don’t not write good.

Well, I’m here to tell you that I make more grammatical errors than Jenna Jameson has made regrettable decisions in her life. I suck at grammar. In fact, if it weren’t for spellcheck I would be continuing to try and spell grammar as “G-R-A-M-M-E-R”. The only reason I keep spelling it right is because my computer helps me not look like an idiot.

However, I do care about how I come across. I think of myself as pretty well educated and want to be taken seriously. I want you to pick up what I’m laying down without having to roll your eyes and my grammatical blemishes but also respect that perhaps sometimes I make mistakes. So, if you don’t mind, if you ever… EVER… catch a glaring, obvious misuse of a phrase or grammatical error worth telling me about please do so. I want to write well.

But I also want you to not be the grammar police. I would like you to think of yourself as the grammar grandma:

"Oh dear honey! I do believe you made a little mistake right there! Correct it and I'll make a batch of my special brownies! Grandma loves you."

“Oh dear honey! I do believe you made a little mistake right there! Correct it and I’ll make a batch of my special brownies! Grandma loves you.”

Correct me on my final product. I don’t want my post to look like this t-shirt:

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I bought this shirt because it’s in brand new condition and it has a vintage style look to it. It also has the Coca-Cola logo on it and people go ape-shit over Coca-Cola stuff so I bought with about a $7 “cha-ching” going off in my head without really reading the graphics.

Well, upon closer inspection it appears as the text for this t-shirt was written by Dan Quayle:

I have no idea what “awubding” means or what a “narathon dancer” is among other things.

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Wait… is this Coca-Cola or “Coca-Coca”? Also, there are two periods after “CO” and there are two commas after….. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I CAN’T TAKE IT IT’S JUST SO WRONG!! EVEN FOR ME!! A BAD GRAMMAR PERSON!!

To make matters worse, the company that actually made this shirt is named this:

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I went through the trouble of looking up “XINCHENGYIZU” to see if there was a company named XINCHENGYIZU. Maybe it was some sort of Chinese company or XINCHENGYIZU stood for something… although I couldn’t image what.

Is someone just trying to fuck with me?

I mean, there might actually be an eclectic t-shirt collector out there who enjoys buying t-shirts with grammatical errors on them (I hope) but I’m kinda pissed because someone went through the trouble of printing this without having the decency to check the graphic and make sure everything was kosher. I mean, who does that? I guess companies named “XINCHENGYIZU”.

So, to conclude my point: I don’t want to be like XINCHENGYIZU. Also, I don’t want you to be like me simply buying into a t-shirt because it looks like something else. In this case, you’re buying into this blog as a quick escape you may have from your daily grind at work:

“I’m going to see what that dork Chris is writing about on the Holy Idea Tees blog for about five minutes here while I scratch my balls.” You might tell yourself.

If you’re a new mom it might go something like this, “Oh, the baby just fell asleep. I’m going to read what interesting crap Holy Idea Tees has been able to correlate with a t-shirt today.”

The last thing I want is for the five minutes you take to read what I have to say to be catastrophically ruined because I used “their” instead of “there” (which I’ll never do… I promise).

In conclusion, thanks for reading and don’t be scared to offer advice to me on what you think might look better (just don’t be an asshole about it).

Nick Cave and Zoolander: Separated At Birth

When it comes to music, I’m kind of out of it. I didn’t really grow up around any music other than Christian music:

Please tell Kenny Rogers to please stop looking at me. Seriously. Stop.

And so anyway… uh…

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Please tell Kenny Rogers to please stop looking at me. Seriously. Stop.

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Alright Kenny, can you stop staring? You’re making me uncomfortable.

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OKAY SO I LIED EARLIER WHEN I SAID THAT IT WASN’T ME WHO ATE THE LAST PIECE OF ICE CREAM CAKE! I ATE IT OKAY!? I’M ADDICTED TO THAT STUFF EVEN THOUGH I KNOW I SHOULDN’T BE EATING IT OKAY! I’LL BUY YOU ANOTHER ONE ALRIGHT!?

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Moving on…

So I’m not really IN to music so I didn’t really know who this was when I bought and then sold this t-shirt a while back:

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When I bought it, I really had no idea who Nick Cave was but wondered why he wanted to look like Zoolander:

its... its... Magnum...

its… its… Magnum…

Turns out, Nick Cave is some sort of actor who played in some movies of relevance at one time:

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